Wednesday night’s last minute was the best 60 seconds of basketball I’ve seen all season. Charlotte tonight.
# Hey You! (Japan, 2000) – In his first “with hair” film, Vin Diesel plays a middle aged man being chased by an exponentially growing group of Japanese men trying to return Vin-san his wallet back.
# Drop Ship (USA, 2001) – Vin Diesel plays a one-eyed man who crash lands on an alien planet inhabited by the blind. Many pitched battles unfold and he eventually becomes king.
# 2 Pitch 2 Black (USA, 2003) – Vin Diesel plays blind man who crash lands on a dark planet inhabited by blind aliens. An ill-advised crew choose him to lead them to their eventual deaths as they stumble around aimlessly for months.
# 2 Bright 2 Sunny (USA, 2004) – Vin Diesel plays an albino who crash lands on a very sunny planet inhabited by magnifying glasses.
# 2 Alanis 2 Morisette (USA, 1995) – Vin Diesel plays a knife who crash lands on an alien planet inhabited by ten thousand spoons. The crew debate the irony of the situation, which is then explained very slowly to the American audience.
# 3 Bright 3 Sunny (USA, 2005) – Vin Diesel plays blind albino who crash lands on a very very sunny planet inhabited by timid parasol shaped aliens. The only other surviving member of the crew has a rare condition that makes him shout out random directions.
# Big Feet In Little China (USA, 2009) – Vin Diesel plays a deaf man who after being wrongfully accused of murder is deported to a barren planet populated entirely by ladyboys. His lack of hearing heightens his other senses which he uses to survive in this hostile environment.
# 2 Vin 2 Diesel (USA, 2010) – Vin Diesel plays a man genetically modified to look like Vin Diesel, who crash lands on a planet inhabited entirely by Vin Diesels. The Vin Diesels, however, have a keen sense of smell and spot the fake amongst them. A nervous and confused crew watch on as the Vin Diesels turn apon Vin Diesel and challenge him to an illegal street race.
# 3 Vin 3 Diesel (USA, 2011) – Vin Diesel plays a man genetically modifed to look like 3 Vin Diesels who crash lands on one side of a river. The crew must get all 3 Vin Diesels across to the other side, but they can only take a maximum of 2 at any time. However: if Vin Diesel is left alone then he will start eating his own leg, if Vin Diesel is put with Vin Diesel then they will start an illegal street race, and if Vin Diesel is left with Vin Diesel and Vin Diesel then they will morph into Super Vin Diesel and destroy the universe. The crew ponder the first move carefully. The crew’s ponderance, however, is in vain as Vin Diesel can walk on water.
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